Articles of Interest - (Date: August 1, 2004) Jamaica Observer
Tony Robinson, Jamaica Observer Writer

THE PLAYER

The record of what injuries You did us,
Though written in our flesh,
We shall remember
As things but done by chance.
- Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra

I simply could not believe it, there I was, taking in Patrick Brown's new hit play, 'The Last Stand,' and hearing from the mouth of actor Glen Campbell, the very same words that were spoken on FAME's radio programme, 'Uncensored' of which I was a guest panelist. It is true what they say about life imitating art, and reality and fiction are but two sides of the same coin. In the play, which incidentally made me laugh until tears filled my eyes, the poor chap, who happened to be a 'Player' got caught with his pants down by some of his conquests, who summarily chained him up and proceeded to try him for his misdeeds and injuries that he meted out to them and other women. See the above quote again, especially the line, 'The record of what injuries you did us, though written in our flesh." Poor Glen, how he wailed and squirmed and tried to justify his actions, saying that it was just the nature of man to be that way. "After all, nuh God give man the strong sex urge?" This sentiment was also echoed on "Uncensored," as the all male panel explained why men had to sow their wild oats while in search of the perfect woman. Interestingly, the two newly married guys on the programme didn't have much to say in that department. After all, their wives were listening, and you know what they say about loose lips sinking ships. Loose lips may sink ships in war, but they also cause disgruntled wives to lock shop. So discretion was the better part of valour. "So yu go pon Uncensored and big up yuself eh.well, nutten for you for a month."

But as I watched the play and laughed, I also had cause to think, to reflect. The guy who was juggling all those women was not particularly unique, after all Players abound everywhere. His fundamental mistake was to have left too many telltale clues and made too many basic mistakes, which resulted in his getting caught, and subsequently his downfall. To be a Player does not mean just running up and down seducing women, to be a Player does not mean just to romance and run, it's more than that, it's an art form.

A Player has to have great pick up lines, none of that "Hey baby, mi want deh wid yu you nuh." Instead, he has to have lyrics like , "Heaven must be missing an angel," or "Your feet must be tired, for you have been running across my mind all day," or something akin to that. Do those lines really work though? What he must never do though, is use those same lines on different women. Women have a network, and if somehow they meet up, start talking and discover that the same lyrics were used on them, then the Player is a goner. Each line must be separate, distinct, and used on one woman only. That's another thing too, under no circumstance must a Player let his ladies meet, as they will compare notes and find him out for the cur that he is. Any Player who works his show in the same hunting ground is an idiot. Separation of prey is a key ingredient for success. That's why the old cliché of traveling salesmen being major Players is a reality. They can have a different woman in every parish all over the island, and nobody would meet up. Pity the poor fool who fishes from the same pond, using the same bait, with the same tired lines. After a while he'll really know the true meaning of, "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."

A Player must be careful not to have anything documented. A paper trail can prove to be disastrous. Just like in war, spies are told to memorize stuff in case they're caught, so it is for a Player. That proved to be the demise of the guy in the play, he had a little black book with all the names of his conquests. That book fell into the wrong hands, and the rest is a history of complications and laughs. Written stuff is impossible to explain away, and that goes for e-mails too. E-mails are certainly not secure domains, and any Player who uses that medium to convey romantic messages to multiple madams is a cyberfool. You never know who is on the other end opening that mail. If you knew how many people got scammed through e-mail, your head would swim. Men posing as women and sending sexy messages to other men, underage kids acting as grown ups, married people writing like they are single lovers. E-mail is a no no for the master Player.

So a Player has to have a good memory, he has to remember names, dates, places, birthdays, anniversaries, names of friends, relatives, names of puss and dog. Far fetched as it may sound, I know one Player who only dated girls with the names of Sharon. That way he could not miss. For that reason, it is no accident that men do not call out women's names while making love. It's a built in defense mechanism, passed down from generation to generation. Oh, women will moan and groan and squirm and scream and call out the man's name, but men will merely snort or grunt something unintelligible. "What yu said Dear?" "Oh, nothing." A Player has to be cold, he cannot dwell on women's feelings, but just cut and run without any thought or remorse.

What is ironic is that many Players are married. The truth is, deep down women love Players, and are attracted by their game. Women basically love wild men, but then think that they can tame them. Some Players do hang up their boots, their playing days over, while others still run up and down. But as one ex Player told me last week, "Boss, it's too much of a hassle, and too expensive, right now mi just cool, but if something pass my way, I will come out of retirement." Of course I got my data and research from Players and ex Players. More time.